Diary



10-08-2022 23:7:00



A recent favourite artist that I discovered on instagram: wynfred1840

They are making me consider sewing clothes for dolls… I don’t own any dolls, and I don’t really want any, but I think I would enjoy making miniature versions of clothes I would like to wear myself! lol!

https://www.instagram.com/wynfred1840/ , https://twitter.com/Wynfred1840/

08-08-2022 13:46:00

My heart is beating out of my chest right now ..... I went ahead and apologized to someone I ghosted 2 years ago, because I was in a really bad place and couldn’t keep up with relationships. I know there’s no use in rationalizing why I did it, but I always felt really bad about it since I got along pretty well with that person. Interaction with people scares me absolutely shitless, so I guess I am somewhat proud of myself that I managed to text them something. I’m not really expecting a reply or that I’m forgiven, even though I would be really happy if it happened… etc, etc. I really need to learn how to be indifferent to social interaction and deal with it without losing my mind… aagghh

07-08-2022 23:19:14



I learned the name of one of my favourite contemporary artists: Vladislav Yerko, an Ukrainian artist born 1962.

06-08-2022 00:18:29

Today, I at last finished reading Ada or Ardor by Vladimir Nabokov. I wanted to read it thanks to a Philosophy Tube video, and it took me nearly 2 years to finish it… mainly because I kept putting it off and discarded it for other books. But I’m glad that I made it! Also, I realized I own the English first edition. Shock. One day I will read it a second time, in the first edition book. But for now, I will devote myself to the other books on my bucket list.

02-08-2022 23:54:03

I dream of replicating all the EGL dresses and skirts I wish I could buy, of all the overpriced ones or someone else bought before I could, or that have a too small bust measurement …

02-08-2022 21:47:19

Recently, I saw some edits of Oyasumi Punpun, and the mood struck me to reread it. I was about to search it up online to read it there, but then I remembered that I own the entire series, and I was like, "Huh?!" Why in the world would I rather read it on a screen if I have it sitting in my room, physically? Terrible how dependent on digital media I am sometimes…

01-08-2022 ??:??:??

sigh

July 22

30-07-2022 ??:??:??

wahh I want to wear lolita again… i hate summer

30-07-2022 ??:??:??

I’m not feeling my best today. I have no energy and feel quite sad and disappointed with some things; there are thoughts I have about my partner which I don’t want to share here but are very important to me … I miss them and feel disconnected from them because I haven’t seen them properly in so long, and I won’t for another 2 weeks now, because today was the last day I had the chance to. I don’t know why, but when I’m separated from someone for a long time, even though they are the most important person in the world to me, I stop missing them, I forget what their face looks like. I guess it’s good in some way, because I don’t spend every waking second thinking about them and being sad that they’re not with me, but it unsettles and scares me, regarding the sincerity of my feelings … it’s hard to put into words. Right now I miss them so much that it makes me utterly depressed. I wish I knew something to keep me busy right now, but I’m so unmotivated. I hope that I can sew or maybe bake something today. Watching videos of people work dough for bread or pastries consoles me.

29-07-2022 ??:??:??

I became sad.

28-07-2022 ??:??:??

I visited my partner at hospital today; and hospitals are truly bleak places. The environment made even me nervous, as someone who is thankfully healthy. Healthcare workers are saints for being able to put up with it…

25-07-2022 ??:??:??

I LOVE MY BEST FRIEND SOOOO MUCH AHHHH!!!!!

25-07-2022 ??:??:??

When I got my Switch repaired, my splatoon save file was lost to time. It’s my most played game of all time, clocking in at 880 hours according to my data, and while I’m a bit sad that my progress has been deleted, I’m not too bummed out!! I just miss my gear and weapons…

23-07-2022 ??:??:??

I want a new lolita dress soon T_T but I can’t find any good ones on lace market, and summer is the worst season to buy lolita anyway…

15-07-2022 ??:??:??

I have stopped wearing my glasses at home because the lenses are scratched, but in truth my eyesight is so bad that I sometimes get headaches and it feels like I’m becoming cross-eyed. I should get a new prescription lol

13-07-2022 ??:??:??

I’m scheduled to meet up with my best friend today, but for some reason I cannot gain the energy get up, from the horizontal to vertical. It feels so weird. I haven’t felt like this in a long while…
Admittedly, something has been feeling off, but I can’t quite put my finger on what it is. There are responsibilities I need to take care of, but the mere thought of them sours my mood.

11-07-2022 ??:??:??

Today, I started working on an oil painting of Griffith from Berserk!

10-07-2022 ??:??:??

I have come back from vacation. It was very nice, but the new environment & changes in my schedule made my phobia a lot worse than it has been for a while. Or, at least, I think the change in environment was the cause… My anxiety had been better than it was months ago, but now it really impacted me again. I hope that when I go back to campus, I can get an appointment with a counsellor about it so I can permanently get better.

01-07-2022 ??:??:??

Also, I finished Medieval Bodies by Jack Hartnell this morning. My head hurts

01-07-2022 ??:??:??

Today, I said goodbye to my partner for two weeks. I even had to cry a little when I took the metro back to my home… Tomorrow, I’ll be leaving for a weeklong vacation, while my partner is away somewhere else for 2 weeks.
What else… I started watching some korean café vlogs again. How do you guys like your coffee? I like mine with cow’s milk, a shot of oat milk, and 2 espresso shots, and if I want something more sweet, I’ll add caramel sauce or condensed milk or maple syrup.

June 22

28-06-2022 ??:??:??

NIER AUTOMATA IS GONNA BE ON SWITCH??!?!??

28-06-2022 ??:??:??

This morning I got the quote for having my switch repaired T___T

26-06-2022 ??:??:??

The mere thought of ordering off Wunderwelt makes me anxious regarding shipping fees and customs, but it seems like the most plausible way for me to acquire my dream dress, my holy grail… I saw it on Lace Market months ago for a reasonable price and didn’t buy it and I regret it to this day!!

26-06-2022 ??:??:??

I also dream a lot about my Nintendo Switch that I sent off for repairs, how I finally get an update about it

26-06-2022 ??:??:??

If there’s a type of reoccuring dream I have that I also remember, it’s about my past and relationships that ended on a bad note. Especially recently, for some reason, I dream about my ex-partner, despite being in a happy relationship now. yawn

25-06-2022 ??:??:??

The smell of linseed oil and turpentine fumes

25-06-2022 ??:??:??

If I made an EGL/Fashion wishlist, 90% of it would be Sheglit… I love Sheglit so much

23-06-2022 ??:??:??

Originally, I wanted this page to present like a blend of Victorian, Gothic and Medieval stuff. All in all, I would say I even prefer Gothics over Medievalism, but I rebuilt this page while I was having a major medieval phase. Of course, I don’t regret that now, but I’m already thinking about how I can change this webpage up so it embodies its original spirit – – I love vampires, victorian fashion, gothic architecture so much and I don’t want to pass up on showing that here, too!!
I need to find the page that offered public domain victorian graphics again…

22-06-2022 ??:??:??

This will serve as a diary where I can keep myself short, and track my roughly outlined plans, thoughts and feelings. I don’t have an exceptional desire for anyone to read this, as is the intent of a diary. But nothing shared here will be deeply personal — so, hell, read on if you want to!